My Bastard Days

Chocolate Therapy

Mon, 12 May 2008 21:07:09 GMT

Lately I've been fretting over small things like finding a new job, re-outfitting the apartment, throwing a big bash, and giving my best man speech at my brother's wedding on Wednesday. I feel like I just need the occasional thing to lighten up my day. Today, it's Chocolate.

The latest movie from Praya Pinkaew, the director of Ong Bak and the Protector, Chocolate is the story of teenage girl Zen. Born to Yakuza boss Masashi, and his mistress Zin, who also happens to be the girlfriend of the local Thai Gang Lord Number 8, Zen is autistic. She is raised on television and martial arts movies in a hovel next door to a Muay Thai academy, over the years developing incredible martial arts skills.

When Zen becomes a teenager her mother is diagnosed with cancer. With Zin being poor and unable to pay the bills, Zen decides to go out and collect on all of the old markers that her mother had put out back in her mob days. To do this, Zen utilizes the powers of her autism and kicks everyone's ass.

My Dreams of Istanbul

Fri, 02 May 2008 01:44:43 GMT

I was walking across a bridge. It was built for auto traffic, a lane of traffic traveling both into and out of the city. On each side of the bridge was a wide walkway. The material it was made of was thick and spongy, like industrial styrofoam. I could feel my feet sink into it a little with every step.

As I walked toward the city I could feel the heat of the springtime sun, a cool wind blowing through the valley below the bridge and, tousling my hair, carrying with it the scents of strange flowers in bloom. Cars hummed by, their bodies floating above the road on strange scientific devices. They all looked old and work in that way that cars from Europe always do. Like they'd seen wars and had the scars and nightmares to prove it.

The city before me was massive but contained. Rather than sprawling outwards over miles and miles of space it stretched upwards. There were few actual skyscrapers, but every building from the lowliest tenement to the centers of industry and the arts all stood twenty, thirty stories tall at the least. And at each corner of the city was a tall structure, a thin and sharp spire, at the very top of which was a ring. Stretched from corner to corner of the city, through these needle-buildings, was a fine blue tarp that arched up, shimmering like the ocean floating above the metropolis.

My senses were filled with beautifully strange new stimuli as I stepped off of the bridge and under the roiling blue shield of Istanbul. The air was thick with the scents of cooking meats and spices. Bizarre fruits and vegetables were being sold in corner markets and carts pushed around by arabers. Tapestries hung out of nearly every window and flapped about in the light breeze.

I walked to the garment district and met with an old friend, Simay, whom I hadn't seen in a year or two. She was to be my guide. She dressed in plain clothes, dark colours to contrast with the drab greens and greys that I was wearing, dressed as if I were a war photographer. Her hair was pulled up into a loose bun and she smiled and gave me a hug as I approached.

Simay was to be my guide, and she started me off by walking me through the Bazaar. The buildings were close together, the bottoms of them the original buildings that were constructed here hundreds of years ago while atop them sat newer constructions, odd, sci-fi structures that looked like broken down modern versions of the kinds of towers that they would have built during the Crusades. We looked up and studied the gossamer blue tarp that stretched across the city, keeping the polution of the city n and giving everything a hazy blue tint like we were underwater.

Simay smiled at me a little, having a sense of the adventures that we were about to get into. I followed behind her, marveling at everything that I walked past.

Dreams of Foreign People, Foreign Places

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:46:22 GMT

Simay, or neurotoxicdoll , I had a dream last night and you were the star of it.

I've got to run off to work, but I'll update this later with a full description of the dream.

I guess it's just another sign that you are missed back here in Philadelphia.

My Dark Motive

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:21:30 GMT

There was a conversation going around the independent game developers' community a couple of months back concerning the reasons for game publication. The idea was that, with the accessibility of desktop publishing opensource programs and the ease in which one could post these creations online for free, then there was a dwindling need to actually publish and charge people money for said games.

I mulled it over for a long while. Was there a reason to create my game and publish it within the tried and true standard model in which people needed to pay me money to read my book? I came up with some answers as to why I wanted to publish but none of them seemed to hit it on the nose.

Finally, I discovered two. One was the proceeds-forwarding aspect of the book's sales to the Star C. Foster Writer's Prize. That one, well... that's pretty obvious.

Then there's the other, and that's the creation and propagation of a community. There exists right now a community of independent creators that develop their own games, publish them, and then use those publications to further redefine, re-examine, and grow the gaming community as a whole. Publication is another avenue of availability. In the current model on which the internet works, finding e-publications that are outside of specific search parameters is nearly impossible at best. Having an existing hard copy that can be stumbled over, found as part of a collective publishing model, or passed around from member to member of a community is another avenue in which the information can be examined and imparted.

Simply, I believe that I have something important that can be added to the discussion and, through that, the community. I think that I'm doing something. That's the second reason I want to publish.

This message has been inspired by this little video right here of a man named Clay Shirky being impossibly intelligent. View and enjoy.

(thanks to Mr. Warren Ellis for the edification)

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 21:54:21 GMT

Alright, I've been trying to write some text for this that sounds hard-boiled and cool, but I can't because I'm just really excited.

Rob Bohl, or the indie_insurgent , is the host of the role-playing game design podcast the Independent Insurgency. I was luck enough to sit down with him and talk about my upcoming game Criminal Element. Criminal Element is a heist movie role-playing game where players take on the roles of the members of a crew, working a job of their own design while trying to fight their inner demons. We talked about the game, the process of design, the Star C. Foster Writer's Prize, and how much I have a man-crush on Judd Karlman.

If you want to hear me talk about my game, or just see how loud my laughter actually is, you can go right here to download it and check it out.

A great big thank you to Rob for taking the time to sit down with me and talk about the game, as well as all of the time that he spent editing the recording. And a gigantic thank you for all of you people that listen to the podcast!

Blasting the Silence

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:01:21 GMT

God, where have I been?

It's been near on a month since my last post (speaking of, thanks for all of the encouragement on the dating front, guys! More on that in a minute.) and I feel remiss for this. There's been a bunch of stuff going on, so I think I'll handle all of it in lovely, lovely bullet-points!

I'm still dating the woman. Her name is Kristi. Things are going fairly well there, taking into consideration the sort of baggage I tend to travel with. I'm getting better at not freaking out completely and pulling away and screaming when someone tries to get emotionally close to me. That's mostly because she's a great girl and I'd like to not do such things to her. So there's that.
Oh, man, Criminal Element. I got in some really fucking good writing over the past day or two. Edited some sections, rewrote a section. Now I just have two chapters that I need to expand from notes into actual, "i'm a real writer" text and the Shotgun Bible should be ready to go.
Speaking of Criminal Element, I had the great honor of doing a podcast interview about my game on Rob Bohl's Independent Insurgency. The podcast isn't up yet, but should be soonish, so I'll post a link as soon as it does. You can check out previous podcasts over here. It was the first time I'd ever been interviewed about the game and, if I'm going to be honest with myself, I'm not sure if I did my best work on "selling the game", but it was a great conversation that Rob and I had, and I think it might be an interesting thing for the people out there that are interested in any kind of game and design, or who just want to see what the hell I've been working on for the past five (!) years. A huge thank you to Rob for having me over his place and giving me a chance to talk about my game. (Sorry I couldn't meet up with you at PoliCon man. You're still doing DexCon, right?)
I should mention that I was sorry to miss PoliCon to Don as well. eruditus , sorry man. Work's been a bear, but that should be clearing up sharpish. Still up for some DexCon, yeah?
I'm being transfered from my current location at the Major Video Game Retailer I work for to one that is further from home, in a mall, and is open considerably later than my current store. I'm not terribly happy about this...
...though I might have another job prospect lined up that will amend that situation quite nicely. I'm not wanting to say too much, in fear of jinxing it, but hopefully I'll be able to be more lose with the tongue in the next couple of weeks.
Thanks to the kindly intervention of feanor1138 and feanorsgrrl , I was able to see the current "it" noir movie at the Philadelphia Film Festival. "Blast of Silence" was a fantastic, bizarre, lurid crime novel committed to film, with a slick, seedy monologue laying over top of the whole thing that sounded like "Donald Westlake's Choose Your Own Hitman Adventure". I found it completely different from what I expected and absolutely enjoyable. Criterion Collection has secured my twenty-odd dollars for their upcoming release.
A lovely flub committed by my bank has left me with a negative balance in my checking account, when I should have something that is very much in the positive. I've been afflicted by this for near on a week now. I'm not happy, to say the least. I should have enough gas in my car to at least travel to and from work tomorrow, so at least I have that on my side.
I bought Rock Band for my 360. My band is called "Parker Black and the Magnificent Bastards". This automatically makes my fake band more Rock n' Roll than Fall Out Boy. I've also four-starred Run to the Hills on Vocals at Medium. This makes my fake band more Rock n' Roll than Daughtry. Info on a Rock Band based party action soonishesque.

That should take things up to the present, so let's have enough of this "Previously on... Mike's So-called Life." What have all of you magnificent bastards been up to?

Playing the Game

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 19:11:23 GMT

So, I have a date tonight...? I mean, it's a date. There's a woman who I am going to go see, we're spending time together with the express thought of seeing if there is any chemistry between the two of us. If there will be sparks.

I'm excited. She seems pretty cool. We haven't spent much time together yet, so this will be the first time we get to sit down and actually talk.

I get nervous about dating. I know that everyone does, really. When it's a real date, when there's the chance for rejection and the opportunity for there to be something really great, you have the right to be nervous. So I'm in that state right now; little bugs zipping around in my gut, worrying about the stupid things that I sometimes do (like get peoples' names mixed up).

More later. Right now... I need a nap.

Too Cute For Crime

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 03:16:39 GMT

I've been working on the latest draft of Criminal Element, the inevitable beta playtest document thingie, which I'm calling the "Shotgun Bible". I'm calling it the Shotgun Bible because a) I want to have a name for the beta that isn't "beta playtest" and b) it's a cool fucking name.

Anyway, I've got a particular way of writing, especially when it comes to CE. I try and get the feel of the game down in the writing. I would like people to read it and just feel that "heist movie" vibe. In this hope, I've written the following two lines when describing a part of the game mechanics:

"A heist is like geometry; it’s full of angles. And all crooks have an understanding of the mathematics of crime."

I've got the feeling that that line is just a little too cute to wind up in the final draft. Way too cute. But damn if that little bit there doesn't make me smile.

This Is What I Do Instead of Sleep

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 07:36:41 GMT

Stolen from my home girl crowyhead

1.What is in the back seat of your car right now?
a bunch of junk, some clothes, papers.

2. When was the last time you threw up?
Two days ago, while walking to the hospital.

3. What's your favorite curse word?
Most likely "Jesus Fuck a Shit Soufle", though "Sweet Merciful Fuck" and "Crap Sandwich" will sometimes get used as well. Then there's the always classic "fuck". I'm a connosieur.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
I don't know. Probably my co-workers Shawn and Donovan. Beyond that I have no clue.

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Getting dressed for work while listening to a podcast.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Talking with my roommate about politics and women.

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
Sleeping, hopefully.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
A lyric from a Chris Whitely track.

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
I'm not much for ice cream.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
A couple of glasses of water.

12. What are you wearing right now?
A pair of gray slacks, black boxer-briefs, a loosened belt.

13. What was the last thing you ate?
Some baked beans.

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No.

15. When was the last time you ran?
I have no clue.

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
The Super Bowl.

What happened to 17?
Be fucked.

18. Who is the last person you emailed?
My second mom, sarcasmom.

19. Ever go camping?
No.

20. Do you have a tan?
No. Definitely no.

Ok, now what happened to 21, 22 & 23????
Seriously, be fucked.

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
I don't like drinking from straws. I always feel like a child.

25. What did your last IM say?
Something about the pain medications I was taking the other day.

26. Are you someone's best friend?
God, I hope not.

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Working, then maybe some writing on C.E.

28. Where is your mom right now?
I'm assuming at home, in bed.

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
A security case with a carry-all on top of it, and a laptop bag resting on top of that. A carpet. A home-made bookshelf full of sketchbooks.

30. What color is your watch?
I don't have a watch.

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Aboriginies.

32. Would you consider plastic surgery?
No.

33. What is your birthstone?
Amethyst.

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
I don't care much for fast food, but I'll normally prefer to go inside.

35.How many kids do you want?
I don't know anyone that I'd want to have kids with, so none.

36. Do you have a dog?
No. Two cats.

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
A woman at the alarm company about an attempted break-in at my store.

38. Have you met anyone famous?
Some people that were on various Star Trek shows, some comic book creators, an author or two.

39. Any plans today?
Today's already done. Tomorrow's wide open.

40. How many states have you lived in?
Three.

41. Ever go to college?
Yeah, and I dropped out. Because I'm an ass.

42. Where are you right now?
At my apartment, in my bedroom, in a chair.

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Money.

44. Last song listened to?
Currently listening to "Clear Blue Sky" by Chris Whitely.

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Some kinda something that comes up in some hand lotions.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
My engineer's boots, though I don't wear them anymore.

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
No.

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
God, I hope not.

51. What time is it?
2.33 am

52. Do any of your friends have children?
Yeah, a few.

53. Do you eat healthily?
I guess, though not especially so.

54. What do you usually do during the day?
Work, nap, write, engage in jokin self-loathing.

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
Not "hate", no.

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Not really. Normally more a "what's up?" or "hey!" or "what's good?"

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
Thirty one.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Yeah.

60. How did you get one of your scars?
I fell on a steamer trunk when I was first learning how to walk.

Spalding

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 04:28:45 GMT

For those of you that might have been wondering where I've been... I've been sick. Very sick. As in "went to the hospital today" sick. All's better now, but over the past coupe of days I've had a fever that topped out at a hundred and three, cold sweats, fever rashes, dehydration, debilitating head aches, and a cough so violent that I found a way to injure my damned diaphragm. Truthfully, and as nodeva put it, "I didn't even know you could do that."

On the bright side of things, I turned thirty last weekend, with the help of feanor1138, feanorsgrrl, and harrytheheir, and have managed to stay standing.

Also, my brother is getting married! How fucking wild is that?

I'd elaborate and espouse but, let's be serious here, I'm taking pain meds. I'm not exactly in the right mind space to be trying to form coherent thoughts.

Lying Spring

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 04:47:17 GMT

When I was living in Hawai'i I missed the winter. I thought about snow drifting to the ground, the crisp chill in the air, the smell. I thought back on my childhood and running around in the snow and cold and thought fondly.

I moved back , as many of you might have noticed, and saw the winter return. Little flakes of negative space floating down from the sky, weightless, like stars coming out to play. Brisk, cold air touching my skin. Nostrils filled with that sharp chill.

I love it. I really do. I sleep with the window open, even in the dead of winter. I still smile when I see snow tumbling lazily through the air.

But... the spring.

There's two seasons that not only do I love, but make me feel happy; the autumn and the spring. And now it's spring outside. In February. And I know that it's going to go away.

I've spent this day trying my hardest to have a spring day. I've been outside as much as possible. I didn't wear a coat. I mixed a gin and tonic when I got home, cooked some pasta, ate a little salad, then stayed outside even more.

I have the window open and my fan on and blowing.

I'm wearing a fucking tee shirt.

In a couple of minutes I'm going to make a cup of coffee and sit at my window. I'm going to inhale that subtle, cool spring air because I know in a couple of days that winter is going to melt away my spring and it will be cold again for another two months.

I'm going to appreciate this.

Criminal Element - Thesis Statement

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:05:07 GMT

After running my game, Criminal Element, at Dreamation, and having the chance to talk with some fellow creators, I came away with the need to do a rewrite. I understood CE more than I ever had until that point. I knew what game lay at the center of that big hunk of marble I'd had sent down to my studio. Now was the time to carve away all the excess material that I'd bloated the game with, to discard what weighed down what I envisioned my game being, what I had inadvertently padded my game with because I had lost my way.

I came home and started writing. And what I wrote first was a simple thing, the game's thesis statement.

I wrote down exactly what I wanted my game to be, what I wanted it to do. I boiled it down and purified it and write a paragraph that says "This is what my game is all about". I wrote a header that said "Design Goal" and then wrote down exactly what my goals were.

I love heist movies. I love the the constant, kinetic action. I love the bravado of the men and women in the crew. I love the intelligence present in the plans that they put together. I love the sense of rebellion, of sticking it to the man.

But there are things that I love so much more. I love the turmoil. I love the betrayal. I love the pain. Beneath the slick exterior of every crime movie and book that I adore is a story of a person doing terrible things. A man sacrificing his morality to claim something that is not his, then sacrificing his own word to feed a desire he can name but never face. Anger, Greed, Hatred. That is a criminal’s life. That is Criminal Element.

My goal in creating Criminal Element isn’t in recreating the storytelling forms of the Heist film (structure, acts, etc.), but rather in exploring the themes that typify that genre (greed, desire, betrayal) while underlining those themes in the same way that a good heist movie does, with blood and bullets.

Criminal Element: a game of crime and desire.

Criminal Element - desperate people, desperate deeds.

Dreamtion 2008 - These Are the People

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 18:23:40 GMT

The first person I talked to once I got to the convention was Rob Bohl, creator of the game Misspent Youth. He was running a game at the moment, but I needed to see him because we were sharing a room and he had my key. I felt bad, calling him up in the middle of his session, tracking him down and interrupting, but he was generous and kind, pshawing me as I apologized. That set the stage for what would be a great convention experience.

Dreamation is a great, rare experience in the gaming community in that it is a gaming convention that is chiefly concerned with gaming. There's a real, palpable excitement from everyone you meet because they, like you, are all there for one thing: the games. Sure, there's networking and game sales and such, but the dealers' room is small and the networking happens only when you're sitting at a game table, playing with some people that you're networking into becoming your friends.

I got to see some old friends there that I haven't seen in quite a long time. They had heard about the convention through my roommate Camden and just decided to come up and surprise me, while at the same time getting some good gaming in. I also got to see Judd again, who I hadn't seen in at least a year. We were both so busy with the gaming life that we didn't get to sit down and just talk like I'd hoped, but we did get to blather about comics for a couple of minutes so at least something was accomplished. The two Dans were along for the ride as well, getting in some great gaming and having plenty of fun stories to tell when we sat down for brunch every day.

I also met a ton of people for the first time, and I got to game with them. Ryan Macklin ran an incredible game of Don't Rest Your Head, as well as kept me up until six in the morning with his ability to have a brilliant conversation with me. I split my room with Julia Ellingboe, Rob Bohl, and Tobais (damn it, I'm forgetting his last name right now), who were all gracious, kind, intelligent people that I wish I'd had more time to hang out with. I sat in on a session of Kingdom of Nothing run by its creator, Jeff Himmelmen, a great guy, energetic and thoughtful. It was also wonderful to meet Joshua Newman, a firecracker of a man who was excited and smiling every time I ran into him. I had Matthew, Nicholas and Minetta in a game of Criminal Element that I ran, and all three were a blast to have at the table, as well as talk to away from it. Kat Turner was a recurring figure in my gaming that weekend, playing alongside me in both Misspent Youth and Shock: and she was an incredible presence, a person that got genuinely excited when other people brought up ideas at the table and fostered them into something awesome.

As a lurker and occasional poster on forums like Story-Games and the Forge, it was really cool to finally meet some of the people I interact with in those venues. What was even cooler was getting the chance to meet people, game with them, and hopefully create some new friendships.

Dreamtion 2008 - These Were My Games

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 16:57:32 GMT

Dreamation kicked my ass in the best possible way imaginable. I got to see some old friends, meet some amazing people, playtest my game, run a session of Dirty Secrets that didn't go as well as I would have hoped sadly, and play in a bunch of great playtests.

Here I'm going to write about the games that I played in. I'll also write about the convention as a whole and the Indie Designers' Roundtable, but they'll be in separate posts. Each of these subjects deserves some face time of their own.

The first thing I did, after getting lost on the way to the convention that is, was play a session of Jeff's Kingdom of Nothing. Great ideas, cool presentation. The adventure we were presented with didn't really highlight the best parts of the game, but I definitely got the sense of 'coolness' i was hoping for. During the group character creation I wound up pushing things a little too far for one of the characters' secret pasts and made that character a little bit broken. Totally my fault. The dice mechanic wasn't really working, but I understand that Jeff is working on a new mechanic that sounds much more in line with what he is trying to do. All in all a satisfying session of gameplay with the tangible promise of being a a really fantastic game.

The next day brought with it a session of Omega Point, the cyberpunk story telling game. We wound up making a group of cybernetic rock and pop stars all vying for fame and power. The story was great fun, set during a battle of the bands that our characters were all participating at in some way. The rock star moments kept coming in faster and stronger (and stranger), and I had a blast playing. Excellent job, guys.

After that saw me playing Misspent Youth. God damn did this game soar. I was one of those guys yelling at Rob during the Indie Roundtable, telling him that his mechanics worked fine. The dystopian future we created was one in which a religiously-guided political power fights back the forces of progress, reverting technology and science back to a 1950s-era understanding and disseminating fear through the media. Our youthful offenders were rogue EMTs (!) trying to save lives using banned medical text books and home-made penecilin. The job we went on was to try and get our hands on a bunch of old medical textbooks and get the information inside them out to The People. Along the way my street medic and a rogue faith healer worked together to save some lives, our tech-head buddy stole a car while it was still being driven, our priestley friend lost his faith, and the gonzo journalist in our squad became even more disillusioned. I should also point out that the part of character creation where you get to ask one of the other group members a deep, probing, personal question was great and really helped set up the group dynamic. (Rob, I'm not sure if you've thought of this yet, but if we get to ask further questions of the characters, we don't ask those new questions of the same people we've already asked, right?)

Then there was the playtest of my game, Criminal Element. I'll say up front that it was hit and miss. Once the game got moving, it really fucking moved. PCs were breaking into government facilities, killing guards, breaking down security locks, all that stuff. That was a blast. Getting there took FOREVER, though. More on that in another post, but I just wanted to thank everyone for coming out to play my game sight unseen.

After that brought a session of Don't Rest Your Head run by Ryan Macklin. Excellent game, incredibly well-presented by the man himself. I played a meth-addicted doctor trying to get close to people while the fear of their impending death still haunts her. The other PCs were great, too, including a mathematician that can "see" math in the world around him, and a shut-in who is constantly accosted by the haunting face of jay Leno. We fought monsters, i found my little sister before she was eaten at a restaurant, and my good friend Dan's character became the Boogie Man. My only concern with that game is a personal one. I felt like, at the end of the session, I was being a bit forceful with my character's story and not sharing the stage with the other players.

The next day was nice and light. I got to sleep in, relax, eat a little something, then play Joshua Newman's Shock:. Kick. Ass. The game was hacked on the fly to support FIFTEEN FUCKING PLAYERS, but it worked and made for a really compelling game. Our Shock:, or science-fictional story element was "On the eve of the Clone Rebellion". Juicy, right? The issue I wound up intersecting that Shock: with was "Memory", and I made a doctor who was a clone of a nat-born doctor that had died. Of course, the nat-born doctor's memories started to haunt me, including the memory of his/my wife and their/our children. The clone rebellion existed for me in two ways, both professionally as people harmed by the rebellion were under my care, and personally as my character's girlfriend was a member of it. Sadly, I had to run out at the end to set up for a session of Dirty Secrets. If anyone reading this was also in that game, please give me the highlight reel of the ending.

Then came Dirty Secrets. Sadly, the game wound up being a noble failure. I had set it at midnight on Saturday, a poor move on my part. People were exhausted by that point and I had two of my five players cancel. The remaining three included a player who had played the game before and was totally invested and two players who had no experience with story-gaming. The mystery was really interesting (a prostitute and sometime patron of a federal agent has three kilos of heroin stolen from her that she was holding for her pimp) but things fell apart after about an hour of gameplay. The two players that hadn't story-gamed before were confused and a bit overwhelmed by the amount of storytelling power they had. It was still a cool session because it gave me the opportunity to show these guys some new tricks. I consider it a 'win'.

Things wrapped up on Sunday with the Indie Developers' Roundtable, organized by Fred Hicks and Luke Crane. It was incredible. A real peer event, where everyone was welcome to throw their ideas out and really get a discussion going. More on that later.

All together, a great four days of gaming and fun. As I drove away from the convention I found myself thinking "What am I going to play next?"

The New Jersey Job

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:29:15 GMT

In about an hour I leave for New Jersey, harrytheheir riding shotgun. We head out east for one thing: the job. We've been planning it for weeks; working out schedules, laying out the routes there and away, putting together the gear. When we get there we meet up with our two partners in crime, Hirschney and Peccable, and we settle down to business.

It's a long haul. Four days of work and it seems like there's too much to do to cram into ninety six small hours. But that's what we've got to do. 'Cause we're gamers, and we're coming to Dreamation to game.

I'll be doing the world premier of Criminal Element there, running the first ever convention sessions of the game. I'm also running a session of the freakishly good Dirty Secrets. I'm meeting up with some other great gamers, like judd_sonofbert, eruditus, and his lovely lady friend spring_violet, and I'm crashing with Joshua A.C. Newman, Rob Bohl, and Julia Ellingboe.

All stops will be pulled out. There is no turning back.

Game on.

Updates on LJ as time permits.

Plots and Plans

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:41:10 GMT

As some of you may know due to the little thing at the home page for Livejournal, my birthday is just a couple of short weeks away. In truth, I don't care much about my birthday. I'll be turning 30, which I've been told is a big deal but I can't really get up the energy I need to get freaked out over that.

I do really like parties, though. I like having everyone over and hanging out and all of the stuff that goes along with that. For these reasons, and the fact that harrytheheir has threatened to make fun of me on his LJ if I don't do this, I'm going to have a party celebrating my birthday.

And along with this comes a... well, an idea. I feel weird about birthday parties. Well, really, birthday things that involve me. I am made uncomfortable by gifts and the whole gifting rigamarole. I always feel weird when people by me things. I normally just ask people to not buy me stuff, but it seems that there is always a couple of people who defy that and get me something thoughtful and cool.

I want to avoid that weirdness this year and I want to do something fun and different for this party. I was struck with an idea while at work last week and, after posing it to harrytheheir, macgrrl, and my roommate and all of them saying they were way into it, I'm now posing the question to all of you.

Anyone who is interested could put up some money. I wouldn't want anyone giving more than ten dollars. That money goes into a collection that would buy Rock Band for the XBox 360. Then, on my birthday on 9 February, I would throw the party. Everyone could come over, play Rock Band, hang out, eat food, drink frosty cold beverages, and have a good time. This also means that there will be a copy of Rock Band that people can come over and play, or that I can bring with me to various social events.

So, how does everyone feel about this idea? There's a party going on, Rock Band or no, but I would like to get this figured out a little bit before the day comes around. So, please post a comment and say what you think one way or the other.

Cutting

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 23:05:33 GMT

Sometimes I get into a weird mood. I'll be having a strange day, something will have set me off, and that's when I get this desire, no... this urge. It will build in me until I sate it. I will come to a breaking point, and then and only then will I go to a very special place and find myself needing to do it

I am now apparently something akin to attractive. Women have approached me since getting the new haircut. It's been... strange. I find I don't really know what to do in those situations so I go with my gut instinct: knock the woman out with a kung-fu chop then run away.

Year One

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 06:33:32 GMT

Lately I've been tired. It's been a real thing, apparent to people immediately upon seeing me. I saw kfringe about two weeks back and he remarked how tired I looked. He said I seemed... slow. Like I had been trapped in vaseline. It's a hard point to argue, really. Work has been exactly what one would expect: annoying, long, and frustrating. Also, and this is probably pretty obvious to most, last week marked one year since my girlfriend Star died. I wasn't exactly feeling up to snuff.

The day of the anniversary itself, one of three anniversaries I think of when thinking of Star, was strange. I was angry for most of it, just terribly angry. The kind where you growl your words out between gritted teeth, where you are so exhausted by your anger that you need to sleep. I couldn't really be around people. I spent most of the day locked up in my apartment, occupying myself with little things.

At eleven o'clock that night I went down to see her. That's what I call it when I go to see her memorial at Rittenhouse Square, "going to see her". And it turned me around. I had wanted to go earlier in the day, in the late morning, but I just couldn't bring myself to it yet. I'd needed time. So I went at eleven and we talked. I just blathered on for a while about her, us, me, and after an hour or so I actually felt calmer, relaxed. I smiled, I joked. I felt like I'd maybe figured things out a little more.

I rode that for days. Quit smoking for a little while. Saw nodeva , Tim, and the little man, sarcasmom and Glenn, which was incredible fun. Those people make a guy feel loved.

Today... well, today I feel different. I don't feel so good. I feel tired again. But let's not talk about that right now. Maybe I'll say something tomorrow morning. Tonight, I just want to leave this on a happy thought.

I'm Assuming This is First Edition

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 19:51:57 GMT

One hundred questions and more later, I now know what kind of DnD character I am.

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Bard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-12

Dexterity-12

Constitution-12

Intelligence-13

Wisdom-12

Charisma-16

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Bards often serve as negotiators, messengers, scouts, and spies. They love to accompany heroes (and villains) to witness heroic (or villainous) deeds firsthand, since a bard who can tell a story from personal experience earns renown among his fellows. A bard casts arcane spells without any advance preparation, much like a sorcerer. Bards also share some specialized skills with rogues, and their knowledge of item lore is nearly unmatched. A high Charisma score allows a bard to cast high-level spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Our Song

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:29:24 GMT

Star - writer, dancer, muse, karaoke rock star, pirate, sister, daughter, friend, girlfriend.

I know that everyone is going through this today. Thinking of Star, missing her, having that scar open right up again a little, that familiar little knot twisting up in the center of you. I can't know what the rest of you are going through. I need to just talk for a minute, to write this down. I'm afraid of writing this because it might be self -indulgent, but I can't think of anything brilliant and powerful to say (unlike Neil, who gets it right in one). Let me get through the day and then maybe I'll be able to say something more than just "I fucking hurt."

Star and I went to a concert together and saw Joshua Radin perform. I'm not normally the kind of guy that likes delicate singer/songwriter stuff, but he played this song that just... it said so much that was relevant. He was singing this song that described my feelings for Star almost exactly. I remember looking over at her during the song, her looking at me, the look in her eyes... I can remember us kissing during this song, me holding her.

The next day she sent me the song through iTunes as a gift. The song struck the same chords with her, she told me. She said it described the way she felt about me almost as if she had written the song herself.

A couple of days later I told her that I loved her for the first time. She said that she loved me, too. And I still haven't stopped loving her.

Nowadays the song has new meaning and relevance. Sometimes I'll listen to it just to bring myself a little closer to her.

This is our song.

Joshua Radin, "The Fear You Won't Fall"

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me
Air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

Pop Pop

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 16:55:46 GMT

My grandfather, my Pop Pop, died this morning at around 7.00 a.m. I saw him last night.

Radio silence for the next little while.

Fortunate Son

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 02:19:16 GMT

Think back. Recall when we were younger and you would get some Chinese food with your family. You would plow through the General Tso's chicken, shovel messy forkfuls of rice into your mouth, and drown it all down with bubbly soda, all in anticipation of that most sacred of confections... the fortune cookie? Do you remember what great mysteries were answered within the flaky, sweet confines of this tasty little treat?

Yeah, neither do I.

Fortune cookies have always been a meeting of two things: tastiness and absolutely lazy fortune-telling. Reading a fortune cookie fortune is like getting your palm read by Varla, the Gypsie that took the short bus to Divination school.

I used to collect fortune cookie fortunes. I had a sunglasses snap case that I stored them in. I had collected fifty, maybe seventy five of them over the course of about a year. Then I realized that this was a dumb thing to do.

I offer these two very real fortunes as proof.

01: "Wish you a long life."

commentary: Who does? Who's wishing me a long life? And is it just me, or does this statement seem ominous, like the old curse "I wish you an interesting life"?

02: "A carrot a day may keep cancer away."

commentary: REALLY?! No fucking shit? It "may" keep cancer away? You know what else might? Fucking cigarettes. Unlikely, I know, but they might. Cancer "may" be unsettled by cigarette smoke. You never know. The only way that this fortune could feel like more of a put on is if it were simply "I like apples."

Famouser

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 19:34:16 GMT

So, Judd of the Ennie-award nominated Sons of Kryos, in his infinite coolness, once again dropped the name of Criminal Element, and yours truly, in a podcast.

Why this is cool... The game isn't done yet, though it's pretty damned close now. I'm hoping to open it up to open beta playtesting in a couple of weeks. CE has been a labour of love for the past four years now, and I can't tell you how amazing it is to hear people talk about my game. It's even better when they say really nice things.

For those who knows what getting on SoK means... isn't that fucking cool?!

For those that don't... SoK is like your favourite NPR radio show, but concerning role-playing games. Three guys sit around and talk about their gaming lives and discuss all kinds of topics, all in an attempt to help people have more fun at their gaming tables. The show is entertaining and insightful and an absolute must-listen for me and lots of other gamers every other week when it goes live.

For those who are Judd... I owe you beers, man.

Hey Tech-heads!

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 19:21:06 GMT

Alright, I need a little help, and by me asking you guys this question I also realize that I'm going to sound completely inept and dumb.

I've got a website up for the RPG I've been writing, Criminal Element. (By the way, you should play it. It's totally cool.) I've had it going for a little while now and I've been getting a bunch of hits on it. I get the occasional email to the website concerning the game, but it's kind of a pain in the ass to have to use thunderbird or whatever to pull the emails down. So, my question is this: is there a way that I can forward email going to my website over to my GMail account? And, if so, will I be able to email out of that same account and have the return address still be the email address from my website?

After your done snickering, could you please help me out?

Bustle and Go

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 03:11:25 GMT

I know that I haven't updated hear in a while. I will, I swear. For right now though I find myself caught up in this damned non-meme thing that's going 'round the friends LJs. Since I am a man of my word, I'm actually going to do as the instructions tell me and repost the damned thing on my LJ.

Meme: Reply to this post, and I will list three things I love about you. Maybe more than three. Then repost to your own journal and spread the love.

I also now realize that I am going to have to go on some kind of diatribe is, in fact, not a meme. Another time, and soon.